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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24054367">I collected all of my tears in a jar for you. Is that weird?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenMeerkat/pseuds/TheGreenMeerkat'>TheGreenMeerkat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Sweetheart, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, a lot of crying, no spoilers for the newest episode, title has nothing to do with the actual story, well hopefully not, without being ooc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:49:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,474</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24054367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreenMeerkat/pseuds/TheGreenMeerkat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Virgil really isn't much of a crier.</p><p>Well, at least not in front of others.</p><p>Well-</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I collected all of my tears in a jar for you. Is that weird?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Y'know I usually write titles that actually fit into the story but it's quarantine and I've officially snapped</p><p>EnJoY</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>     Most people think Virgil isn't much of a crier. Nowadays, they wouldn't be too wrong, but he has his moments.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He cried a lot when he was a kid, more than any of the other sides combined. In fact, they rarely ever cried; Patton was almost completely sunshine and rainbows back then, Logan never had anything to cry about, and Roman told everyone he was too tough to cry. Virgil, on the other hand, was sensitive as can be and had no idea how to manage his fears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Then, for a long while, he didn't cry at all. He, too, became "too tough to cry." But in reality, he was in an even worse state than before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Fast forward to now, where Virgil is a somewhat stable adult. Patton cries more openly, no longer repressing his feelings like a certain logical side. Roman, well… he didn't even cry at the saddest of Disney movies, as one would expect. It seemed he was just too good for tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Virgil's own tears came back slowly. Though he still never cried nearly as much as he did before, he allowed himself a good cry session every once in a while to get it all out. He made sure to never get caught crying around others - he'd only failed that mission once, but he couldn't complain when Patton was so understanding. He usually never felt like he needed comfort, but his touch-starved mess enjoyed the tight hugs immensely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     This one was… a new low for him. He never thought he'd be crying over something as dumb as unrequited love; then again, he never thought he'd ever be falling in love with a fellow side in the first place. But even so, it shouldn't have been something to cry about. He never needed romantic love before, no one truly does. He had some wonderful friendships now. Shouldn't that be enough?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     It probably would be, but he knew the friendships he had weren’t as emotionally fulfilling as he needed them to be. Roman’s specifically left him needing more. The creative side claims to be one of Virgil’s “best pals,” but he certainly sucked at showing it. He was trying, Virgil knew he was, but he could just never be secure in Roman’s friendship. He always felt he would never be good enough for Roman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Not platonically, and never romantically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     These tears only proved that fact. What would Roman think of him now, as he sobs into his knees like a heartbroken teenager? Would he pity his weakness, or scoff at it? How disappointed, </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgusted</span>
  </em>
  <span> would he be if he knew it was because Virgil was in love with him? Deep down, Logan’s voice is calling </span>
  <em>
    <span>cognitive distortions,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but the fact that he was likely crying over nothing only made the tears fall faster.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     And yet, he still let his stupid, broken heart fantasize. He imagined Roman wrapping his arms around him, letting the anxious side bury his face into his shoulder as he rubbed circles into his back and whispered comfort into his ear. He would kiss his head and oh-so-gently wipe away his tears with his thumb. He would probably make a joke, too, just to make Virgil laugh and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh god it hurts-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>     "Virgil?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He instinctually whipped his head up at the sound of his name. It took him a few seconds to process that the princely figure standing in front of his bed was Roman, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman. Virgil felt his entire body freeze in panic, eyes still spilling tears as they met with Roman’s own wide, worried eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Wha- hey, hey.” Roman walked closer, kneeling next to the pathetic lump on the bed. “What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Patton for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He should have said yes, but he didn’t want Patton right now. He couldn’t bear to watch Roman walk out of his life, only to have another side see how broken he was over the prince. Patton may have experienced heartbreak over Thomas's breakups in the past, but he would never know the feeling of falling in love with a side that hated him. So instead of saying yes, he buried his head back into his knees and shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     There was a pause, and Virgil had to resist the urge to peer his head back up. What was Roman thinking? He was probably trying to decide if it was okay to leave, just let Virgil deal with his outbursts on his own like he always has.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     "...Do you want me to stay?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Of course, Roman was too nice to just downright leave. He was a man of action, after all, and even if he didn't particularly like someone, he wasn't going to leave them to cry alone. Virgil didn't want that pity party, but he couldn't get himself to say no.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>Please don't leave me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>     Roman must have taken the lack of response as a yes, as he didn't make any move to leave. "Can I hug you, then?</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>"Please."</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>     The response was immediate, Roman wrapping his arms around him ever-so-gently. Virgil couldn't help but cling onto him, burying his face into his shoulder and failing to hold in his sobs. It was the first time he had ever been hugged by him, and it was probably the last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     "I'm here, I'm here." The prince moved one of his hands to stroke his hair, making another sob fall out of Virgil's throat. "I got you, darling."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He was trying to be supportive, but the sting of hearing the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>darling</span>
  </em>
  <span> come out of his mouth was nearly unbearable. This entire situation was just unfair. The universe heard his pleas and decided to tease him with a tiny taste of what he could never have, all while he humiliates himself with his stupid crying. Roman deserved better than this mess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     With embarrassment and anxiety coursing through his veins, Virgil managed to calm himself and reluctantly escape from Roman’s warm embrace. He gave out a bitter chuckle. “Well you probably think I’m a giant baby now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Roman frowned at him, looking directly in his eyes (a rare occasion). “Crying doesn’t make you a baby, Virge. Err-” He suddenly looked down at his shirt, where Virgil’s face was buried into just a moment ago. “I’m more worried about this </span>
  <em>
    <span>eyeshadow</span>
  </em>
  <span> you got on my clothes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Calm down, Princess. It washes out.” The prince wasn’t actually mad at him, despite what his anxiety said; Roman was trying to bring the mood up in the only way he knew how, and Virgil had now known him long enough to recognize and appreciate that effort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “So…” Roman rubbed the back of his neck in awkwardness. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Here we go.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “You wanna tell me what’s gotten our local emo down more than usual?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “I don’t know. It’s stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Nothing is stupid to cry about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Virgil couldn’t help but scoff at that. “Says the person who never cries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     There was a moment of unexpected silence, the prince giving him a blank stare before starting to pick at his cuticles. “Well, ah, that’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>necessarily</span>
  </em>
  <span> true. Um-” He lets out a sigh. It seemed he was giving up something he was reluctant to give which, at this point, was only fair. “I guess... I actually cry quite a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He gave him a skeptical raise of his brow. “You, Roman Sanders, the person no one has ever seen shed a single tear, are trying to tell me you cry a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot?</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t think it’s unfair of me to call bullshit on that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Did you forget I am an actor?” He momentarily took back on his princely persona, dramatically posing before falling back into his sheepish confession. “I’m… kind of a hypocrite, I suppose. I don’t cry in front of others. I can’t let the prince be seen in such a weak state- but it’s not true! Crying doesn’t make you weak, Virgil, and I don’t see you any differently. You’re still our resident emo scarecrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     The supposed “emo scarecrow” let himself give a puff of a laugh, but a question was weighing on his tongue. Asking this was risky, but Roman had just revealed a personal secret of his. He wasn’t going to let this rare moment of sincerity between them go to waste. “...Do you ever cry about love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. I was just-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “No, no, it’s fine!” Roman still looked taken aback by the question, but he blinked it away in a moment’s notice. “I mean, yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>obviously,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but that’s kind of a broad topic. Like, do you mean a lack of love? Or, Thomas’s crushes, or…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Like your own love life.” He said it before he realized what was even coming out of his mouth. How could he say that? His </span>
  <em>
    <span>own </span>
  </em>
  <span>love life? That’s not even a thing - or at least, it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be, but Virgil’s clearly proved that’s not exactly true, is it? “That- That was a stupid question. Ignore that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Wha?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Roman shook his head with a smile. “Yes, gosh, of </span>
  <em>
    <span>course</span>
  </em>
  <span> I have. Have you met me?” At Virgil’s wide-eyed shock, he lets out a sigh. “I know it’s not conventional, but sometimes I can’t help but want a prince of my own. It doesn’t make sense, or it </span>
  <em>
    <span>shouldn’t,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but it just does, y’know? So if that’s your problem, you’re not alone in that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “I… yeah, that does help a bit. Thanks.” He has to shake away the voice in his head saying this gives him a chance because </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, he could never love you, you already /know/ this, Virgil,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Roman really did help, to an extent. He’s still very, very pained, but at least he knows he probably isn’t a freak. “You can go now, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Wait.” That single word immediately spiked Virgil’s anxiety. “Do you have a crush on someone?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Uhh--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Roman gasped before he even had a chance to answer. “Oh my gosh, you do! Who is it? Oh dear, is it one of Thomas’s friends? ‘Cause I’ve been there, man. Back in Thomas’s early 20’s, I had a major thing for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “No, no! I don’t have any feelings for Thomas’s friends, Jesus Christ!” This was just about the worst outcome that could have come from this conversation. Virgil began to fold into himself in embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “It’s… a side, then?” The prince began stroking his chin in thought, and Virgil was 90% sure he was gonna hurl if this conversation didn’t end soon. “It’s Logan, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Wha, no! Stop trying to guess!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “It can’t be Patton, right? Then… is it one of the dark sides? That would explain a lot, actually. Don’t worry, I won’t be mad if it is- err, I’m not sure how I would feel if it was my brother, though. It’s not my brother, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Oh my god, no! I would never like any of... the Others like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Well, you’re clearly lying about </span>
  <em>
    <span>someone.</span>
  </em>
  <span> C’mon, Virge, you can tell me! I won’t judge, knight’s honor!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Virgil let out something in between a groan and a scream into his hands. His face was on fire, his stomach felt like it was about to jump out of his body, and he was just about ready to bury himself in his blankets for the next week or so. “I have no idea how you can be this stupid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     There’s a moment of silence- actually, much longer than a moment. Virgil starts to worry he was a bit too harsh, but then he just barely hears Roman mutter a soft </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he repeats exactly what he just said in his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Oh. Oh no.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He feels the entire world around him break as he tenses up, hiding his face further into his curled up form. Everywhere, from the bed to his own body, is now bursting into flames, and he can’t know what face Roman is giving him right now because </span>
  <em>
    <span>he knows and the world is ending.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Virgil, is it me?” He doesn’t answer; he can’t answer, as his throat has now closed up, melted together by the flames. Roman’s voice is so soft and careful in the madness around him, but he can’t help but imagine the look of disgust he must have. Or pity. He’s not sure which one’s worse. There’s a hand on his shoulder, both cooling him and burning him further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “Virgil, please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     He does. He wouldn’t have lifted his head if it weren’t for the heavy tone in Roman’s voice, one that sounded suspiciously like </span>
  <em>
    <span>crying,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and one look was enough to confirm his suspicions. The prince’s eyes were visibly glossy, only a few blinks away from spilling tears, and he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>smiling.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>     Virgil felt another break, but a completely different kind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>me.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he doesn’t ask this time. He says it with full confidence, letting out an exasperated laugh. “That means I’m not the only stupid one here, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “I…” Though his throat was no longer burning, he couldn’t find another word. Not when Roman was looking at him like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and not when he was pretty sure he was about to start crying again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Roman was hugging him. He didn’t know when that started happening, but he hugged back this time, properly wrapping his arms around him instead of clinging onto him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “I’ve cried so many tears for you, Virgil.” He repeated Roman’s words a thousand times in his head, desperately holding onto that tone he had never dreamed would be directed towards him. “After all the things I’ve done to hurt you, after how much we used to hate each other, I never thought I’d ever be forgiven, much less </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He sniffed and moved to hold Virgil’s face in his hand ever-so-gently, still smiling brightly with tears falling from his cheeks. “But it didn’t matter. Because all I wanted was to love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     “I-I, uh… Same.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Roman immediately started giggling at Virgil’s response, and while he should have been rightfully embarrassed, he couldn’t help but start giggling himself, letting the embarrassment fly away with the beautiful sound of Roman’s laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     Their laughs and tears would drive them to sleep, holding each other throughout the night without a second thought. And in the morning, they would talk until there were no more words to speak. They would agree to take things slow, to thicken the spots of thin ice they still walk upon until they were sure neither of them would fall. And if the fall turned out inevitable, then the other would catch them before it’s too late.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>     And they would cry. And they would agree to cry more, to be 100% themselves while staying vulnerable. Because despite what they might have thought, even the bravest of knights and most handsome princes shed a tear when the night falls.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Something I forgot to mention in the story and am too lazy to add it: Virgil accidentally summoned Roman and didn't realize it.</p><p>Tumblr: @green-writes-sanderssides<br/>Leave a comment if you enjoyed!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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